It was a pleasant week, birds were singing, phones were ringing and benders were clogging my e-mail. So I decided that a new function should be added to the outlook express – since a block sender won’t work (he’ll just bend his way around it) we should slock bender!

I’ll continue with the following announcement:

I’m not doing delivery; I don’t work for the Tafnukia or Kangaroo and I certainly do not wish to be the modern Elaine for Mr. Pit (Faggy Pit – Lord of the Rings!)…

The game started early for me when a certain chimney cleaner called and asked me to pick up his rings from work…

Why not take it on Sunday? There was some reason – as I recall it was so stupid I ignored it, the pressure mounded when speculations of no time for writing the adventure were brought to my attention…

The solution was quite simple – ask someone from work to bring the blasted thing home to your vicinity!

Now, I’d like to respond to the hair issue – nee I remind you how Faggy’s hair got puffed after his night of passion with Kritz on YKB two years ago at that porn shanty in Jerusalem?

That’s right! Shut up!

About the tardiness – I had enough of staring at the gothic ritual of putting nail polish while we wait for grumpy, the computer wiz (who calls me three times on Saturday to ask about a serial number I have written for him in a file of the same name and told him about it twice! You never listen – that’s your problem, just don’t be so annoying about it…), mental note – say hello to Yoav next time, he’s not late because he wants to be, it’s our fault…

I mean; can you be more of a cunt? What gives? Next time you’ll show up saying we don’t love you anymore and if we did we’d drink a mix of your secretions with a carbonated beverage like a good bitch…

Why not try a radio show where people can call to complain and you’ll yell at them – we’ll call it Yoavi Atzbani!

I am aware that the best defense if offense, but you took it to a new level, I truly recommend that next time we start without you – the Fighter/Priest combo of Hadi and myself worked splendidly at previous times!

Another topic I’d like to address, the “I’m not just a macabre minstrel” attitude – you see, there are some things you can do, some of them are even what the DM intended to happen. It’s a delicate balance between class (psionicist) and common sense (non whatsoever) – could we stop being a sort of McGyver, attempting to do the impossible with some junk and water?

You do know the series died in the 80’s and the only fans are Patty and Selma Bouvier, right?

And while on that, how about getting the hint that nothing can be done at a certain situation? Role playing is grand, it’s the purpose of the game, but when you tire us with pointless attempts at something that is so obvious to fail (try analyzing your DM’s face from time to time, you’ll see…), just makes things harder for the rest of us – we sit and stare at what seems to be childish stubbornness to do things “my way”…

I truly think you should consider these things, and Fagster, you should nudge him at certain directions from time to time, don’t be surprised if people get tired and bored after a session of Durtiz and the sage, a new sitcom by Fox…

Finally, the ship has arrived, after long nights of checking my d20s to see if there are numbers above 9 etched on it, I had a great die-night (as opposed to the not so good hair day! Not a word!), I bet Bender’d check on me every time, too bad he wasn’t there…

Being a god…

Taking a non-threatening form, supplying a table of fruits to your mortal guests so they’ll feel comfortable…

Making the desk too tall and the chairs too short for a halfling.

Conjuring a book to sit on so you’ll reach the food.

Having the mortals find out you were sitting on “Mein Kampf” the whole time you were rattling your bone-box about saving your follower’s race from extinction by another race…

Having a ring of protection.

Having a ring of regeneration.

Having plain gothic rings.

Forgetting your plain gothic rings at work.

Calling everybody you know, asking them to pick up your rings while taking a huge detour just so you’ll have your stupid rings on time for the party on Friday…